I had a nightmare last night.

I was going to meet her.

She had invited me to her house a couple of times. Her and her ex husband were more like roommates.

At first I thought it was weird. I always felt like s third wheel. But they were both living in America and they were the only ones that knew each other. It seemed logical. Dreams are funny.

Each time I went to the house I was very respectful. He would know I was there in her room. He would simply knock and she would walk out. I never did anything with her in the house. It just seemed an odd thing to do.

We always had a great time and I felt a little pang of jealousy when I had to bring her home to stay.

The apartment was much larger and nicer than she had let on to be and when we went there I never much paid attention to the routes or address.

One day she asked if I would come and spend the weekend there. I was a little scared of this idea but since I had been there many times and she explained that her ex was out of town, I thought it might be ok.

I packed a small bag and she picked me up. Again, I was so fixated on her during the trip that I didn’t pay attention.

She had told me her ex was struggling with some problem earlier and asked if I could help her fix it together.

I said “no problem” with a smile. I got to her room and we both quietly worked on different things. Me trying to understand the problem in front of me and her laying on her bed reading something.

When I first arrived I had changed into a pair of shorts since it was a little warm and best to relax and work on problems when comfortable.

I remember, I was laying on my stomach and staring at this problem. The dream didn’t allow me to see clearly the problem. Funny thing about dreams.

Then, all of a sudden, the door opens up. There was a blue dress skirt hanging on a hook. He stuck his head first through the opening and then his entire body came through.

I guess he must had thought she was not home or alone because we were not making any sounds.

In previous visits, he would just knock. This time he came in.

He saw me. It was a clumsy exchange of words. Our first actually. The first time we saw and acknowledged each other.

“Ah…oh…um hello…sorry…um….” he managed to say. I was impressed that he tried to use English for me.

He then quickly hid his face behind the blue skirt as if embarrassed or the reality of life hit him. He just didn’t want to see me.

I was in shock. What do I do? What do I say? Man, this moment sucked.

He dropped the skirt from his face and looked directly at me laying on the floor in shorts. His eyes burned hatred.

I was there dressed in regular gym shorts. I was a bit informal and not proud of my legs. He just glared at me.

Still my mind was racing. What should I say? Are we going to fight? Shouldn’t I be standing for this fight?

“Hello. How are you?…” I had some silly surprised grin on my face. It was all forced. How could I be natural like this?

He quickly vanished out the door and I heard another door slam shut.

She runs after him. I hear yelling and crying. I feel like shit now.

My mind starts to clear a bit and I come back to reality. I start to change my clothes but just as that happens she comes in with another woman who is holding her.

She (Mia) is crying uncontrollably and says “I am sorry you have to leave this house now.”

I silently nod as I am looking at the floor.

I feel bad. Who’s the woman with her?! Where did she come from? Thoughts start racing through my mind.

The woman sensing my confusion says “I am a friend of the family. I think you should leave.”

A friend of the “family” runs through my mind.

“Yea, I think so too. I’m going to get dressed and split. Sorry for the trouble” I said with my gym shorts around my ankles. I felt so stupid.

They both leave the room.

I start to move into her closet to try and get dressed. I hear more talking. I hear some yelling. I hear Mia crying.

The damn closet was too small. I couldn’t get my pants on in there so I am searching for a different place to get dressed.

I creep out of her room and start to look for a different place and I find another bedroom with a bigger closet and I shoot in there. I am not sure why I needed a closet.

Along the way, I see a bunch of guys milling around the living room with boxes.

I remember she said he was going back to China soon. So maybe these were his friends deciding to help out.

I am in panic mode. I manage to get my black jeans on and then had a hard time putting my belt through the loops and buckling it. It just took a super long time.

A Chinese woman with short hair and tattoos comes into the room. She looks at me. Not friendly but not angry. Seemed indifferent to me. She grabs me and looks at my arms and says “Nice tattoos…”.

“Yes. Thank you.” I answered back. I was hoping for one ally in this house. A way to break the ice.

She looked around the bedroom and then turned to me “You need to get out of here quickly. She (Mia) has never been in this room before. It’s an insult you are in his bedroom.”

I look around in horror. It suddenly hit me. This was his bedroom! Shit!

Wait, did she just say that Mia has never entered this room?

At that moment I suddenly felt a deep appreciation and love for Mia.

I was longing for her. I missed her terribly. Where was she? Was she ok? Was she thinking about me?

“Hurry! I will get you out of the house safely!” She said.

I start to rush to find my things and we end up at a shuttle bus stop.

“You have a back tattoo?” The tattooed girl asked me once we were outside.

“Yea I do” I replied back. Still wanting an ally and more information about Mia. Is she ok? What’s going to happen?

I tried to contact her on the phone but she wasn’t picking up.

“Let me see it please?” She said and started to pull my shirt over my head.

She undid my pants to look at the lower part of my butt, where the tattoo ends, and I started to get nervous. I am standing there shirtless and with my jeans down. Realizing that I am outside half naked, I start to smile like an idiot.

She went around in front of me and stood with another man who was with a group of Chinese people. Some of them I think I remembered from the house. She smiled and gave me a “thumbs up” sign and they boarded a shuttle and left me there.

Another shuttle was coming and I had barely enough time to pull my jeans up. Redo the belt and out my shirt on.

I jumped on the bus and it started to move.

I felt in my back pocket and my phone was gone! I must have dropped it! Was it in my bag?

I started to search frantically. I couldn’t find it anywhere on the bus. I couldn’t even find my bag!

I was in such a rush to get out of the house and then distracted by the woman that I never figured out what was happening.

They were his friends and they wanted to cause me a little trouble. A little revenge on the guy who was in his house with his ex wife. An insult to him.

I was lost. I had no phone, no bag, no wallet and I was whisked away from the house and couldn’t see Mia.

What if she thinks I abandon her? How could I tell her? I didn’t have a phone. What if this not really what I thought it was. What if she was just handling the situation but his friends interfered.

I was confused, sad and I just sat there and cried…

then I woke up.

We all have had this moment

He had been there many times before. When they slept. Of course.

He took what he could and then would scatter away in the dark of night. He wasn’t greedy.

On his hunt, the sounds of snoring would frighten and comfort him all at the same time. He had crawled on her in her sleep. Sometimes her arm. Sometimes her face. Many many many times. He likes the way she smells. He would sometimes kiss her with his fuzzy feelers.

This time though. It would be different. A miscalculation and a hungry stomach forced him to approach his usual hunting grounds during the “busy” time. A time when there seemed to be movement from all over the house.

He had been sleeping peaceful cockroach dreams. Snoring softly when the rumble of his little stomach woke him up.

“I slept too long!” He gasped as his stomach was in full hunger pain.

He crept along the walls. Careful to avoid anyone who could see him? He would scurry and stop. And then crossed the doorway into heaven. Her room. He discovered her by hiding under the toilet bowl one day and followed her to the room.

He knew she had the best crumbs. She was always eating something delicious. He could snack for years off of what she left.

He wished she left everything. But someone always vacuums. Someone always does…

He strolled carefully into the room. A little too cocky for a cockroach to be sure and then all hell broke loose.

Before he could understand what was happening there was swift movement and what looked like a newspaper flying dangerously close to him.

“Damn World Cup…what happen to Germany?”

a bizarre thought running through his mind, one might say. But who knows what’s on a cockroach’s mind when panicked.

He dodged a few swipes here and there. He was quite fast.

Angry and scared, she adjusted her aim and just before his luck ran out he yelled “oh my god!” Then the world, or World Cup, came crashing down.

It was a huge scream but unfortunately no one can hear the cries of a cockroach.

Just before he succumbed to the darkness, one of his good eyes spotted a huge cookie crumb.

“Damn the bad luck….” he thought

And in his last tiny thought he cursed her “thousands of brother and sisters will avenge me”

Simple pleasures of a nightmare

The restaurant was crowded and filled with familiar noise.

People laughing, talking and unwinding from the day’s stresses.

As usual, I sat alone at table. All by my lonesome, wishing I could be at one of the other tables. Just sit in for some good old fashioned human conversation. This was one of those evenings where I needed not to be alone. Life was kicking me in the teeth that day.

Eating is such a social function. “Breaking bread” with one another. hospitality. Sharing food.

A feeling of satisfaction felt when one has enjoying a great meal with others. “Good for the soul” my mother used to say.

The restaurant is one of my favorites. I love the food and the staff always remembers me. Each time they greet me with a smile. They make me feel that I, “belong”.

On this particular visit, something happen which changed my perception of my beloved restaurant. An incident that will forever stay with me.

Burned into my memory for all time. It might even be the reason behind that smile on my face as I drift off into the great beyond when my time comes.

A lady, in her early 30’s accidentally dropped something on the floor. At first it was to difficult make out the object. Well difficult for the average person.

I immediately identified it and fell in love with the owner. It takes a certain type of woman to carry a big gun around her purse.

The device sounded strange when it hit the floor. It had kind of a “splat” sound.

Immediately when it landed on the floor it started to vibrate. The vibration caused a loud “rrrrrrrraarrrringgrrrrr” noise. The volume was much much louder than I would have expected.

I guess the acoustics and the floor title really amped the sound. It almost sounded like one of those gas powered radio controlled airplane engines.

I have heard of these incidents at airports. Urban myths told at water coolers or break rooms around the world. “Hey didja hear the story of…”

Never thought it would happen in my favorite restaurant.

The place went suddenly quiet which only made the sound reverb and seem louder. If that was even possible. The power this thing had was amazing!

There were some snickers from other tables. I admit, I snorted a chuckle. But then shit got serious real quick.

The device seemed to come to life and start moving across the floor. It resembled a animated mummy trying to escape it bandages.

It had lights, flashing different colors, from within its rubbery skin that gave it a ridiculous impression that it could be a child’s toy. If I was not a dirty old man, I would have thought so myself.

Yet here it was, zigzagging across the floor at an alarming pace. That little mummy gyrating. Rolling over and slapping the floor. Trying to escape its rubbery cocoon.

What made this even more funny is the fact that this vibrating, light flashing, monster was moving quite rapidly towards a table that seated a few women and their children. Making that “rrrrrrrraarrrringgrrrrr” “plop” sound as it moved.

The kids seated with their mommies started  looking at this thing and giggle as well. A little boy seated next to his sister,  squealed with excitement and started to run over to pick it up. “Finders keepers” he said and as dropped  down from his chair

His mother, with a look of pure horror, screamed at the top of her lungs. Which cause slight panic amongst the rest of us. Gasps could be heard from other tables.

But none of that phased the little boy or the toy on the move. No way, he loved the excitement of his mother screaming. She was funny when scared and that was alright with him.

Like the time he caught that cockroach and tried to eat it. She almost passed out when she saw her little boy put that roach up to his mouth. She rushed him but he held her back a bit before she stormed him and ripped the bug out of his hands.

Not this time. He would get that toy. The thing she didn’t seem to want him to have will be his this time!

The race was on!

I guess looking back, we all been there once with our moms.

The young woman, owner of the loose object, mortified by the events unfolding before her, screamed as well when she saw the little boy on the move.

The boy saw her intent. This toy was his. He picked up speed

The race was on!

Face red, eyes wide and her mouth contorted, the young lady jumped up and made an uncoordinated leap for the device which ended up taking the the table cloth with her.

Everything came crashing down. Which caused me to jump with a start. The man seated at the table with the woman seem to have shrunk further down into his seat.

The little boy finally reach the toy and picked it up victoriously and showed everyone.

“Look mommy!” He shouted with laughter. I swear his mother had this confused murderous look on her face.

Holding it in his little hands, it gyrated and flashed which seemed to jerk his little arms A bit.

“it tickles mommy!” He giggled and immediately dropped it back on the floor where it started on the move again.

”mommy look! Can I have it?” He said looking at his mommy while pointing towards the floor.

When it hit the floor the device changed trajectory and looked as if it was going to head towards the door of the restaurant and exit on its own.

A move that would have been much welcomed by the staff.

In the end it was one brave man who picked up the flashing gyrating, ahem, “object”. He seemed to be a veteran of incidents like this

He turned it off and, I swear to god, held it up to his nose and smelled it. He looked around and said “what? It don’t stink…”

There were gasps of horror and some screaming of profanities, couldn’t tell but I would bet my life on it. All directed toward this man who seemed not care one bit.

He looked at the shamed lady on the floor and walked over and handed it back in a very “Victorian knight surrendering his sword” type of manner.

Dignity restored.