Simple pleasures of a nightmare

The restaurant was crowded and filled with familiar noise.

People laughing, talking and unwinding from the day’s stresses.

As usual, I sat alone at table. All by my lonesome, wishing I could be at one of the other tables. Just sit in for some good old fashioned human conversation. This was one of those evenings where I needed not to be alone. Life was kicking me in the teeth that day.

Eating is such a social function. “Breaking bread” with one another. hospitality. Sharing food.

A feeling of satisfaction felt when one has enjoying a great meal with others. “Good for the soul” my mother used to say.

The restaurant is one of my favorites. I love the food and the staff always remembers me. Each time they greet me with a smile. They make me feel that I, “belong”.

On this particular visit, something happen which changed my perception of my beloved restaurant. An incident that will forever stay with me.

Burned into my memory for all time. It might even be the reason behind that smile on my face as I drift off into the great beyond when my time comes.

A lady, in her early 30’s accidentally dropped something on the floor. At first it was to difficult make out the object. Well difficult for the average person.

I immediately identified it and fell in love with the owner. It takes a certain type of woman to carry a big gun around her purse.

The device sounded strange when it hit the floor. It had kind of a “splat” sound.

Immediately when it landed on the floor it started to vibrate. The vibration caused a loud “rrrrrrrraarrrringgrrrrr” noise. The volume was much much louder than I would have expected.

I guess the acoustics and the floor title really amped the sound. It almost sounded like one of those gas powered radio controlled airplane engines.

I have heard of these incidents at airports. Urban myths told at water coolers or break rooms around the world. “Hey didja hear the story of…”

Never thought it would happen in my favorite restaurant.

The place went suddenly quiet which only made the sound reverb and seem louder. If that was even possible. The power this thing had was amazing!

There were some snickers from other tables. I admit, I snorted a chuckle. But then shit got serious real quick.

The device seemed to come to life and start moving across the floor. It resembled a animated mummy trying to escape it bandages.

It had lights, flashing different colors, from within its rubbery skin that gave it a ridiculous impression that it could be a child’s toy. If I was not a dirty old man, I would have thought so myself.

Yet here it was, zigzagging across the floor at an alarming pace. That little mummy gyrating. Rolling over and slapping the floor. Trying to escape its rubbery cocoon.

What made this even more funny is the fact that this vibrating, light flashing, monster was moving quite rapidly towards a table that seated a few women and their children. Making that “rrrrrrrraarrrringgrrrrr” “plop” sound as it moved.

The kids seated with their mommies started  looking at this thing and giggle as well. A little boy seated next to his sister,  squealed with excitement and started to run over to pick it up. “Finders keepers” he said and as dropped  down from his chair

His mother, with a look of pure horror, screamed at the top of her lungs. Which cause slight panic amongst the rest of us. Gasps could be heard from other tables.

But none of that phased the little boy or the toy on the move. No way, he loved the excitement of his mother screaming. She was funny when scared and that was alright with him.

Like the time he caught that cockroach and tried to eat it. She almost passed out when she saw her little boy put that roach up to his mouth. She rushed him but he held her back a bit before she stormed him and ripped the bug out of his hands.

Not this time. He would get that toy. The thing she didn’t seem to want him to have will be his this time!

The race was on!

I guess looking back, we all been there once with our moms.

The young woman, owner of the loose object, mortified by the events unfolding before her, screamed as well when she saw the little boy on the move.

The boy saw her intent. This toy was his. He picked up speed

The race was on!

Face red, eyes wide and her mouth contorted, the young lady jumped up and made an uncoordinated leap for the device which ended up taking the the table cloth with her.

Everything came crashing down. Which caused me to jump with a start. The man seated at the table with the woman seem to have shrunk further down into his seat.

The little boy finally reach the toy and picked it up victoriously and showed everyone.

“Look mommy!” He shouted with laughter. I swear his mother had this confused murderous look on her face.

Holding it in his little hands, it gyrated and flashed which seemed to jerk his little arms A bit.

“it tickles mommy!” He giggled and immediately dropped it back on the floor where it started on the move again.

”mommy look! Can I have it?” He said looking at his mommy while pointing towards the floor.

When it hit the floor the device changed trajectory and looked as if it was going to head towards the door of the restaurant and exit on its own.

A move that would have been much welcomed by the staff.

In the end it was one brave man who picked up the flashing gyrating, ahem, “object”. He seemed to be a veteran of incidents like this

He turned it off and, I swear to god, held it up to his nose and smelled it. He looked around and said “what? It don’t stink…”

There were gasps of horror and some screaming of profanities, couldn’t tell but I would bet my life on it. All directed toward this man who seemed not care one bit.

He looked at the shamed lady on the floor and walked over and handed it back in a very “Victorian knight surrendering his sword” type of manner.

Dignity restored.