Month: December 2020

Old

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

Maybe I’m stupid, maybe too hardheaded , I don’t want to give up

I’m old, parts of me starting to sag,

gravity is a bitch, so they say.

Who are “they” anyways?

These days, the cold wind cuts through my clothes,

I feel the icy touch in my bones.

Theres no escaping the cruel reality, I’m old.

I try to ignore the obvious. “The elephant in the room” .

Standing there, in the dark corner, grinning like a fool.

Motionless.

Eyes are dead.

“Don’t say dead!”

I look back on the warmth of my youth.

Making love to a beautiful girl under that tree.

The grass was green, and the sun golden.

Things were a lot warmer back then.

What was her name?

The memory fades.

I’m alone, or am I?  I have a hard time figuring that out sometimes.

I don’t see people. Only silhouettes.

Now I’m sitting here, in my frayed robe and thin pajamas, with death in the corner.

How long has he been here?

Cold air biting at my ears.

My pale withered hands resting in my lap.

Wisps of vapor, escaping my lungs with every raspy exhale.

Smoky tendrils floating upward and,

quickly vanishing into the pale light.

A visible reminder that I am still in the game!

Can’t have me yet! But I have no courage to tell him that.

The grin of death, widens.

My heart starts beating fast.

I shiver, it’s so cold. I wish he would go away,

Don’t come back another day.

I still have much to do.

“What do you have to do old man?”

I search my cluttered mind and come up with nothing.

Is this what madness is? Rooms filled with useless and forgotten memories.

An endless tsunami of images, voices and thoughts, washing over me with full force.

I can’t seem to find anything when it counts!

Why is my mind so disorganized these days?

I want to find my way back to that place. That place in the sun.

Making love to that beautiful girl. What was her name?

I would marry her. Or maybe I did.

The place with no regrets. Sins are forgiven and forgotten.

I miss everyone from those days. Where in the hell did all they go?

I know I was there. I just can’t seem to find my way there anymore.

My days in the sun, are long behind me.

Was there ever such a place? I can’t remember.

His lunatic grin widens.

Consumes his whole face now.

“You just don’t get it old timer?”

Tears start to stream down my face as the reality starts to sink in.

“You can’t remember because you ran out of road. There isn’t anymore ahead of you.”

Shaking my head I look down at my wrinkled hands. This can’t be true, can it?

“Take your time old man, you’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I’m not leaving…”

I just don’t understand…

Why don’t he go away?

I refuse

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

To be sure, this is the craziest period of my life

sitting in this chair,

a helpless passenger.

A victim of the cruel, but with good intentions, 

or so they say, 

insanity.

So, 

I refuse,

To be intimidated, 

To be used, 

To be marginalized, 

To be over worked, 

To be ignored,

To be forced to compromise, 

To be disrespected,

To be forgotten,

To be patronized,

To be fooled,

To be beaten down,

To be raped,

To be told who to hate,

To be in a position of hate,

I refuse damnit!

I refuse to believe in them,

I refuse to let them bait me,

I refuse to let them categorize me,

I refuse to let them believe they are relevant to me,

I refuse to acknowledge the self entitled,

I refuse billionaires who believe they are benevolent!

I need to rise out of this chair of complacency,

turn off the computer,

switch off the phone, 

put my feet on the ground, 

and keep on trucking.

To leave this period of sin behind me.

I know, there is still good out there, somewhere.

A place just over the horizon,

in that warm yellow light at sunset. 

Isn’t that where happiness lives?

I need to find the way, need directions, I need a map.

But for now… 

I just fucking refuse. It is my right.

Isn’t it? 

  

What do you refuse?

The door at the end of a dark hallway called judgement

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment 
 
 You shuffle your feet
 with purposeful delay
 for insanity is 
 not too far away

 The pain from your past
 paints the walls 
 of this dark hall 
 your conscious wont last
 
 Cold Shivers, run down
 your spine
 your guilt, has
 soured the wine
 
 From under the closed doors
 light spills out
 Wait, this can’t be happening
 Where is your doubt?
 
 You start to pray
 But what will God say?
 Will you be forgiven today?
 
 You hear laughter and confusion
 while on your knees,
 praying for absolution
 But you find there's no easy solution

 when questioned of faith
 what did you used to say?
 Who is God anyway?
 
 You must walk 
 and do the time 
 each room you pass 
 is your crime
 
 It was hard to conceive
 your part in this, 
 difficult to believe

 screams of anger flood your ears
 from all the people 
 you hurt throughout the years
 
 You had no shame
 you played your game
 they didn't know your name
 or did they?

 The end is near
 funny, you have fear

 There is no one to save you
 except one, 
 who happens to be
 the one 
 that betrayed you
 
 Who can that be? 
 Why you, obviously
 Can't you see?
 
 Now down on your knees
 What say you?