poem

Broken

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

I am fundamentally broken

In the hush of a thousand midnights,
Underneath the star-pricked cloak,
I confess to the silent cosmos,
“I am fundamentally broken.”

In the mirror of my soul’s reflection,
There are cracks too deep to mend,
A mosaic of shattered memories,
A tale too fractured to end.

In the orchestra of existence,
I am the out-of-tune note,
My rhythm lost to the tempest,
On waves of despair, I float.

In the crowd of smiling faces,
I am the one tear-streaked,
A silhouette of sorrow,
A spirit that’s been weakened.

But within this broken vessel,
A resilience starts to wake,
For even shattered glass can shimmer,
Under the dawn’s gentle break.

I am fundamentally broken,
Yet, from these pieces, I start,
In the canvas of my ruins,
Lies the art of a mending heart.

What would you do

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

I often wonder what happens at that precise moment when someone passes in their sleep.

We are quick to say they went peacefully. Which implies they simply went to sleep, never woke up or had any understanding of what was happening.

But…what if they did?

What if…

You’re asleep and there’s an interruption in your dream causing you to become aware but not awake.

You’re aware that you’re dreaming. Like an interruption to a regularly scheduled program. Your conscious and subconscious suddenly juxtaposed and you’re in both places.

Imagine how frighteningly strange that would be.

As you start to get used to this new sensation, the landscape starts to change. You look over and notice a place, at the edge of your subconscious forming.

You walk to it and see a clear black line like a seam splitting two realities.

Ahead of you is a reality that you couldn’t quite see clearly. Only colors swirling but nothing more as its being blurred by some gaussian filter.

The space between these realities is big enough for you to step into. Without knowing why, you step into this black seam without fear and can’t move but feel safe at this point.

You turn to look behind and see a ribbon forming with the starting point of your birth. You can see events in your life with exceptional clarity and if you focus, you can almost relive them. The urge to relive your past is strong.

However, something keeps you rooted and aware of what’s ahead of you.

Still, you can see your life clearly and are aware of the feelings you had then. While powerful, these past emotions do not affect your current state but you feel them nonetheless with the same intensity.

Except for now, you are feeling at ease. No fear or melancholy. A serenity washes over you.

As you look at your life, you start to notice branches forming. As if your life was a main distribution line and these branches were veins shooting off into different directions. At start of your life, the veins were not so many. As you progressed in life the number increased significantly.

The veins were connections and impacts you made to other lives and intertwined with other people. The length of the veins depended on how long and much of an impact you made. Some are healthy and vibrant, some are not and some look dead. And for the latter you feel remorse, regret and apologetic.

In the end, you can see the accomplishments of your life and its impacts. You cannot change what has happen.

You notice there are some veins that are vibrate with color. They are so beautiful that they flood you with intense emotion and make you cry with joy and sorrow all at the same time. These are your loved ones. The people who are connected deeply to you by love.

After looking across your life which seems like an eternity and reliving every point, experiencing every emotion and seeing every face of those you impacted, you become aware that ahead of you lies there is the unknown and you turn to face it.

You slowly raise your hand to touch this imagery.

Then a voice booms from everywhere at once. The voice is warm and familiar but you’ve never heard it before and it speaks one word “choose”.

It is the voice of God and it becomes clear what is commanded without a feeling intimidation.

Choose between going back. Waking up in the morning with a vague recollection of what happen, a small tinge of regret for not going forward.

And an optimistic thought that maybe you can repair some of those unhealthy and less vibrant veins you saw.

You can tell your loved ones how much you appreciate and need them too.

Or

Move forward, never wake up again and step into the unknown. To set out on an endless exploration of the afterlife.

It all becomes so clear to you that once you step forward into the wall of swirling colors you will embark on a infinite journey.

An eternal journey where a universe of mysteries stretch out beyond mortal comprehension. The simple questions/mysteries we experienced everyday are inconsequential compared to what is ahead. There are no dangers ahead. No traps or pitfalls. Just a quench to our natural human desire to travel.

You feel a swell of excitement and no sense of loneliness. You know that all pain and suffering would be lifted immediately and never come back.

You are also aware that you would be able to watch the continuation of everyone’s life as you travel.

Which would you choose?

Old

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

Maybe I’m stupid, maybe too hardheaded , I don’t want to give up

I’m old, parts of me starting to sag,

gravity is a bitch, so they say.

Who are “they” anyways?

These days, the cold wind cuts through my clothes,

I feel the icy touch in my bones.

Theres no escaping the cruel reality, I’m old.

I try to ignore the obvious. “The elephant in the room” .

Standing there, in the dark corner, grinning like a fool.

Motionless.

Eyes are dead.

“Don’t say dead!”

I look back on the warmth of my youth.

Making love to a beautiful girl under that tree.

The grass was green, and the sun golden.

Things were a lot warmer back then.

What was her name?

The memory fades.

I’m alone, or am I?  I have a hard time figuring that out sometimes.

I don’t see people. Only silhouettes.

Now I’m sitting here, in my frayed robe and thin pajamas, with death in the corner.

How long has he been here?

Cold air biting at my ears.

My pale withered hands resting in my lap.

Wisps of vapor, escaping my lungs with every raspy exhale.

Smoky tendrils floating upward and,

quickly vanishing into the pale light.

A visible reminder that I am still in the game!

Can’t have me yet! But I have no courage to tell him that.

The grin of death, widens.

My heart starts beating fast.

I shiver, it’s so cold. I wish he would go away,

Don’t come back another day.

I still have much to do.

“What do you have to do old man?”

I search my cluttered mind and come up with nothing.

Is this what madness is? Rooms filled with useless and forgotten memories.

An endless tsunami of images, voices and thoughts, washing over me with full force.

I can’t seem to find anything when it counts!

Why is my mind so disorganized these days?

I want to find my way back to that place. That place in the sun.

Making love to that beautiful girl. What was her name?

I would marry her. Or maybe I did.

The place with no regrets. Sins are forgiven and forgotten.

I miss everyone from those days. Where in the hell did all they go?

I know I was there. I just can’t seem to find my way there anymore.

My days in the sun, are long behind me.

Was there ever such a place? I can’t remember.

His lunatic grin widens.

Consumes his whole face now.

“You just don’t get it old timer?”

Tears start to stream down my face as the reality starts to sink in.

“You can’t remember because you ran out of road. There isn’t anymore ahead of you.”

Shaking my head I look down at my wrinkled hands. This can’t be true, can it?

“Take your time old man, you’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I’m not leaving…”

I just don’t understand…

Why don’t he go away?

I refuse

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment

To be sure, this is the craziest period of my life

sitting in this chair,

a helpless passenger.

A victim of the cruel, but with good intentions, 

or so they say, 

insanity.

So, 

I refuse,

To be intimidated, 

To be used, 

To be marginalized, 

To be over worked, 

To be ignored,

To be forced to compromise, 

To be disrespected,

To be forgotten,

To be patronized,

To be fooled,

To be beaten down,

To be raped,

To be told who to hate,

To be in a position of hate,

I refuse damnit!

I refuse to believe in them,

I refuse to let them bait me,

I refuse to let them categorize me,

I refuse to let them believe they are relevant to me,

I refuse to acknowledge the self entitled,

I refuse billionaires who believe they are benevolent!

I need to rise out of this chair of complacency,

turn off the computer,

switch off the phone, 

put my feet on the ground, 

and keep on trucking.

To leave this period of sin behind me.

I know, there is still good out there, somewhere.

A place just over the horizon,

in that warm yellow light at sunset. 

Isn’t that where happiness lives?

I need to find the way, need directions, I need a map.

But for now… 

I just fucking refuse. It is my right.

Isn’t it? 

  

What do you refuse?

The door at the end of a dark hallway called judgement

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment 
 
 You shuffle your feet
 with purposeful delay
 for insanity is 
 not too far away

 The pain from your past
 paints the walls 
 of this dark hall 
 your conscious wont last
 
 Cold Shivers, run down
 your spine
 your guilt, has
 soured the wine
 
 From under the closed doors
 light spills out
 Wait, this can’t be happening
 Where is your doubt?
 
 You start to pray
 But what will God say?
 Will you be forgiven today?
 
 You hear laughter and confusion
 while on your knees,
 praying for absolution
 But you find there's no easy solution

 when questioned of faith
 what did you used to say?
 Who is God anyway?
 
 You must walk 
 and do the time 
 each room you pass 
 is your crime
 
 It was hard to conceive
 your part in this, 
 difficult to believe

 screams of anger flood your ears
 from all the people 
 you hurt throughout the years
 
 You had no shame
 you played your game
 they didn't know your name
 or did they?

 The end is near
 funny, you have fear

 There is no one to save you
 except one, 
 who happens to be
 the one 
 that betrayed you
 
 Who can that be? 
 Why you, obviously
 Can't you see?
 
 Now down on your knees
 What say you?

Who’s responsible?

/ M.Hatter / Leave a comment 
The facts are nauseating 
makes you sick to your 
Stomach 
Because you know the situation
Was avoidable


The energy spent, 
a complete loss  
think I wouldn’t know?


People who trust 
Have had heir faith
Betrayed by people 
who are not capable 


Lies…distortions 
Of truths have
Become the modern
Gospel


Enraged you look for the guilty
Only to find 
They stare you in the face


They dare you 
To challenge
Plausibility casts out deniability
 
Oh they are 
smarter than you


They hide behind false
indignation camouflaging their 
Real emotion fear


They Share their outrage
Gauging your reactions
While adding lipstick 
To the pig


Its all distractions


To keep you 
From knowing the
Real truth that
They are the 
Criminals


The ones that
Have created such
Pain and suffering


A man cannot
Feed his family
Anymore because of
These incompetent people in
Power 


Not only have 
They have wasted 
Time and money 
They have wasted
Your soul


They have contempt for you
The hurt of their patronize 
Demeanor swells up
Inside of you


For them its
Easy to lie for
The tide washes away all 
Footsteps left in the 
Sand


Easy for them to be
Relevant when they’ve 
created the script of the 
Sad play